(I wrote this poem about a year ago. It has something of a free-form vibe to it, and I hope you enjoy it.)
Too often
I think we're quick
to dissect women
into discrete parts.
Nice ass.
Nice tits.
Nice lips.
Nice hips.
Nice smile.
Nice eyes.
But rarely
do we try
to analyze
exactly why we love women.
I know that for me
it is about the discrete
physical parts.
Somewhat.
They do get my attention.
Full, plump, kissable lips.
Curves throughout the breasts and hips.
A rear view to die for.
Eyes that I can lose myself in.
Yes, they do get my attention.
But it's about so much more.
It's about how
they touch me
both physically
and mentally
in very different ways.
Sometimes the mental
is more important than the physical.
Not necessarily because
I seek a challenge
but I don't mind one.
I know that my life
has been changed
by all of the women that
have passed through it.
From my friends and past partners
to my close relations.
They have guided me.
Educated me.
Fought with me.
Fought for me.
Consoled me.
Hurt me.
Loved me.
I am a better man because
of these things.
And while I may not know
women as well as I would like
it has been a start.
That warmth
that closeness
serving as the yin to my yang
Restoring balance to my life.
Maybe it can't be quantified
or verified
in any traditional sense.
Maybe the answer
lies deep inside all of us.
But I know that these
are a couple of the reasons
I love women.
Friday, January 22, 2010
See? Twitter does have a role?
Back in the fall, when I initially had the post wondering about the general lack of fat guys in porn on my old blog, I received a direct message on my Twitter account from someone I am following. She had read my post, and she had a question for me that got me thinking.
She asked, "Hetro guys watch to see the women right? Don't you think a LARGE man would block the view?"
I responded with, "Not necessarily. Missionary with a high camera angle. Doggie with a slightly below bed level angle. Any side camera angle will do as well."
Which I do think is the case.
Look, it's not like fat guys have never been filmed before; as I mention in the original post from a couple of months ago, just look at the gay porn world, where there are film companies devoted to bears and chubs.
She then suggested that I should start my own film company.
In a fantasy world, I probably would. Alas, I lack two things:
She asked, "Hetro guys watch to see the women right? Don't you think a LARGE man would block the view?"
I responded with, "Not necessarily. Missionary with a high camera angle. Doggie with a slightly below bed level angle. Any side camera angle will do as well."
Which I do think is the case.
Look, it's not like fat guys have never been filmed before; as I mention in the original post from a couple of months ago, just look at the gay porn world, where there are film companies devoted to bears and chubs.
She then suggested that I should start my own film company.
In a fantasy world, I probably would. Alas, I lack two things:
- The capital funds to invest in making sure that I was producing high quality work (something more than my HD digital video cameras) and for paying models
- The access to models willing to get it on with a "fluffy guy
Where the fat guys at?
It’s kind of funny, but I’ve been giving a lot of thought to the concept of double standards recently – especially when it comes to the world of sex.
Really, what I’m thinking about now, and what this post is about, is wondering why there aren’t really guys that look like me in porn anymore.
(Yes, I know that in gay porn there are videos available with fat and chubby guys. I’m speaking here about hetero porn.)
I am far from a hard-body; soft-bodied would definitely be the appropriate definition for me. You know who I am. I’m the kind of guy that would wear a shirt that says, “I’m in shape. Round is a shape.”
Yes, I am fat. F-A-T fat. The term “a little extra padding” would be inaccurate. “Fluffy” is another euphemism that COULD be applied to me. I prefer the term “Big Handsome Man (BHM) myself.”
But the labeling terminology is beside the point.
The point that has led me here is thinking about where are the fat guys in porn?
Yes, yes, I know: there’s Ron Jeremy.
However, has Ron actually made a film in years? And while I have much respect for the Hedgehog, I view him as more anathema and a pop culture icon/porn relic than someone who is actually active in the game today.
So I reiterate: why don’t you see fat guys in porn?
If porn, on some level, is supposed to appeal to the fantasies that live inside my head, then why can’t I have someone who looks like me appear in the films?
It’s easier for me to live a fantasy if I can imagine myself as I am fucking a beautiful woman. In my own brain, I can fuck a gorgeous woman in spite of my physical limitation; not because I suddenly developed a six pack where my keg currently resides.
To further complicate matters, I am a BHM that loves me some BBW porn. Well, I’ve heard it mentioned other places that no one wants to watch two fat people fuck. It looks like waves on the ocean, and rippling flesh and blah, blah, blah.
I still think that that’s bullshit. If the attention is focused on the woman (as I think it should be), then a big, agile guy can and should be able to perform the maneuvers that will satisfy what the director is looking for.
Yes, there are issues for some overweight guys with regards to maintaining an erection.
You know what, though? I’ve watched plenty of scenes that featured guys at half-mast lamely attempting to get through the scene.
Sometimes I’ve seen those limp dicks taking up screen time with a BBW.
Now, given the choice, wouldn’t it make for a better scene to have a BHM and a BBW who are grooving on each other and getting into it than some guy who views fucking a BBW as a way to pay the rent that month?
It’s not like you have to rig special equipment and hire seismologists to film a scene with a fat guy in it where he’s not viewed as a freak of nature.
Hell, I remember when BBW porn was classified (occasionally) as being under the “freaks” section of porn aggregator websites.
Maybe the day will come when BHM can be viewed as sexy, satisfactory costars for women of all shapes and sizes.
Of course, when that day comes, I’ll be ready for my closeup.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Dear Ms. Fantasy...
(Editor's note: This was originally published in a slightly different form on my old Pornucopia Blog.)
As I sat around this evening thinking about things, I thought it might help to give some of y'all an idea of some of the women I groove on.
As I sat around this evening thinking about things, I thought it might help to give some of y'all an idea of some of the women I groove on.
I tried to think about women that are currently active as far as I could tell. I think that a couple "retired" and then re-entered the business.
But when I see these women, I start to drool.
This is not a comprehensive list. I just wanted to establish a reference point.
In alphabetical order:
Bunny De La Cruz
Christina Curves
Desiree Devine
Eden 38DD
Gianna Michaels
Jada Fire
Kaci Starr
Kandi Kreme
Monet Staxx
Samantha 38G
Sara Jay
Quite the collection, I have to say.
Like I said, my favorite porn magazines are Voluptuous (and Voluptuous XL Girls) and Score.
Most of these women would fit into one (or two) of those titles.
What is this, anyway?
Well, this is my world of Pornucopia. The name has been used before as the name of a documentary series on HBO in 2004.
But what it means to me is a place to share my thoughts on the nature of Porn. At least, from one guy's perspective.
And really, it's about BBW porn. As this evolves, you will see pics of some BBWs and SuperSized BBWs that I have the hots for, for lack of a better term.
In other words, those women that get the blood flowing in a good way.
But what it means to me is a place to share my thoughts on the nature of Porn. At least, from one guy's perspective.
And really, it's about BBW porn. As this evolves, you will see pics of some BBWs and SuperSized BBWs that I have the hots for, for lack of a better term.
In other words, those women that get the blood flowing in a good way.
Who Am I?
I am a newbie to the industry side of things, no doubt.
I am simply a fan.
When I was about 10, I used to sneak looks at a copy of one of Xaviera Hollander's "Happy Hooker" books that dad kept hidden in the bag that he kept the shoe shining supplies in. Okay, he also hid it in his underwear drawer, and I found it there, too. *GRIN*
Then it was an issue of Penthouse Magazine that he kept hidden in the same two places. I know he knew I was reading it, but he never said squat to me. I guess he kind of considered it a rite of passage for a boy.
After he passed away when I was 14, though, I had to turn to other sources.
Sure, there was late night television in New York City, where the local public access would run shows like "Midnight Blue" by Screw Magazine's Al Goldstein and I could catch female (and male) strippers on "The Robyn Bird Show."
Then a couple of high school classmates told me about a place that would sell adult magazines without carding - a coup when you're a horny, dateless 15 year old. Why was I dateless? Well, that's another post. *GRIN*
But before I digress too far, let's get back to this tale. This "store" (which was literally a hole in the wall on Lexington Ave. in Manhattan) sold me my first adult magazine. I remember how sweaty my palms were when I picked up the magazine (a copy of D-Cup) and held it in my trembling hands as I placed it on the counter before the guy working the cash register. He was a chubby, Middle Eastern gentleman. He looked at the magazine and looked back at me.
"How old are you?" he asked in his relatively thick accent.
My voice cracking as I said it, I responded, "Eighteen, sir."
"Uh, huh," he said, a smirk slightly forming at the corners of his mouth. He then told me how much and I paid him. He slid the magazine into a plain brown paper bag and handed it to me, his face graced with something between a smirk and a genuine smile.
I tried to avoid direct eye contact as I took the bag from him and put it into my backpack as I walked back out into the streets of the city. But I knew on that day that I was hooked.
I bought countless copies of D-Cup, Gent and Plumpers and Big Women magazines. I also managed, when I had extra cash, to get my hands on some video tapes. They were the 2 hour and 4 hour compliations (this was before DVD), so I got to see a lot more than I probably should have.
Granted, this was the early to mid 1990s, when it was a lot easier to get your hands on this stuff - especially in Manhattan.
Eventually, it was on to college, which was in the nascent days of DVD and the internet. I had moved on to buying Score and Voluptuous Magazines from the local porn shops in my college town. Once I got my car, it became even easier to visit these shops and buy what I wanted. DVDs made life even better, and getting internet access in my dorm room and apartment also facilitated more watching and learning about all of the little things that turn me on or intrigued me.
Of course, I've had relationships. I'm not a complete and total pervert that doesn't know how to interact with the opposite sex. If nothing, I think that learning from the early days of porn helped me become a more attentive lover in the bedroom. I don't necessarily think that that would be the case if I were 15 years old and just discovering porn today.
But anyway, that's where I've come from and how I got here.
I am simply a fan.
When I was about 10, I used to sneak looks at a copy of one of Xaviera Hollander's "Happy Hooker" books that dad kept hidden in the bag that he kept the shoe shining supplies in. Okay, he also hid it in his underwear drawer, and I found it there, too. *GRIN*
Then it was an issue of Penthouse Magazine that he kept hidden in the same two places. I know he knew I was reading it, but he never said squat to me. I guess he kind of considered it a rite of passage for a boy.
After he passed away when I was 14, though, I had to turn to other sources.
Sure, there was late night television in New York City, where the local public access would run shows like "Midnight Blue" by Screw Magazine's Al Goldstein and I could catch female (and male) strippers on "The Robyn Bird Show."
Then a couple of high school classmates told me about a place that would sell adult magazines without carding - a coup when you're a horny, dateless 15 year old. Why was I dateless? Well, that's another post. *GRIN*
But before I digress too far, let's get back to this tale. This "store" (which was literally a hole in the wall on Lexington Ave. in Manhattan) sold me my first adult magazine. I remember how sweaty my palms were when I picked up the magazine (a copy of D-Cup) and held it in my trembling hands as I placed it on the counter before the guy working the cash register. He was a chubby, Middle Eastern gentleman. He looked at the magazine and looked back at me.
"How old are you?" he asked in his relatively thick accent.
My voice cracking as I said it, I responded, "Eighteen, sir."
"Uh, huh," he said, a smirk slightly forming at the corners of his mouth. He then told me how much and I paid him. He slid the magazine into a plain brown paper bag and handed it to me, his face graced with something between a smirk and a genuine smile.
I tried to avoid direct eye contact as I took the bag from him and put it into my backpack as I walked back out into the streets of the city. But I knew on that day that I was hooked.
I bought countless copies of D-Cup, Gent and Plumpers and Big Women magazines. I also managed, when I had extra cash, to get my hands on some video tapes. They were the 2 hour and 4 hour compliations (this was before DVD), so I got to see a lot more than I probably should have.
Granted, this was the early to mid 1990s, when it was a lot easier to get your hands on this stuff - especially in Manhattan.
Eventually, it was on to college, which was in the nascent days of DVD and the internet. I had moved on to buying Score and Voluptuous Magazines from the local porn shops in my college town. Once I got my car, it became even easier to visit these shops and buy what I wanted. DVDs made life even better, and getting internet access in my dorm room and apartment also facilitated more watching and learning about all of the little things that turn me on or intrigued me.
Of course, I've had relationships. I'm not a complete and total pervert that doesn't know how to interact with the opposite sex. If nothing, I think that learning from the early days of porn helped me become a more attentive lover in the bedroom. I don't necessarily think that that would be the case if I were 15 years old and just discovering porn today.
But anyway, that's where I've come from and how I got here.
A new direction yet again?
I am trying hard to reconcile what it is that I do.
Life gets in the way sometimes, and plans also change.
It's about seizing the moment and making informed decisions about what is the best course of action to take.
What does all of this babble mean?
I had the best of intentions when I started this blog, but I've had so many other things get in the way with life and work that it became more of a chore than something I wanted to do.
Now, obviously if I were being compensated for this effort, I would be able to spend more time and energy on it.
Alas, I am a FREE-lancer in the truest sense of the word. My day job is how I pay my bills and must be the main focus of what I do.
However, I also feel that I need to find a focus and a new direction for my efforts and energy.
I have a tendency to try to be all things to all people, and wind up disappointing most.
But not anymore.
So while I will leave this site up, I think I am going to have people migrate over to a new venture I am working on called BBW Pornucopia.
It is where my true passion in the adult industry lies, and where I will devote my energy in a greater effort and number.
The first post over there will be a rehash of the first post I placed here, but feel free to check in there after February 1 for new updates.
Farewell to here. On to the next adventure.
Life gets in the way sometimes, and plans also change.
It's about seizing the moment and making informed decisions about what is the best course of action to take.
What does all of this babble mean?
I had the best of intentions when I started this blog, but I've had so many other things get in the way with life and work that it became more of a chore than something I wanted to do.
Now, obviously if I were being compensated for this effort, I would be able to spend more time and energy on it.
Alas, I am a FREE-lancer in the truest sense of the word. My day job is how I pay my bills and must be the main focus of what I do.
However, I also feel that I need to find a focus and a new direction for my efforts and energy.
I have a tendency to try to be all things to all people, and wind up disappointing most.
But not anymore.
So while I will leave this site up, I think I am going to have people migrate over to a new venture I am working on called BBW Pornucopia.
It is where my true passion in the adult industry lies, and where I will devote my energy in a greater effort and number.
The first post over there will be a rehash of the first post I placed here, but feel free to check in there after February 1 for new updates.
Farewell to here. On to the next adventure.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)