Burning Question: Porn Star LTR?

We have a burning question provided by the lovely Betty Blac that I told her I would answer in a blog post instead of a tweet. The question:

Would you marry or have a ltr with a porn star? Why or why not? Open or closed relationship?
— Betty Blac (@BettyBlac1) October 1, 2012

Well. Here we go.



I think that it is safe to say that quite a few men would answer this question in the affirmative at first blush. It is a primal male fantasy to have a woman that is sexually liberated be your partner. There has to be quite a bit of ego puffery that comes with saying that your long term partner or wife is a porn actress—even more so if you are a civilian.

Also, to be fair, there is a certain amount of health risk that comes along with having a partner who is in the industry. While testing for HIV and some other basic STIs occurs at least every 30 days, that doesn't mean that things don't slip through the cracks, as the latest health scare involving Mr. Marcus proved.

But risk of injury or compromised health relating to work can happen in any type of relationship, so I don't want to overstate its importance to this discussion.

I believe you have to have a small ego, or one that is not going to be easily bruised. You have to have an open heart and an open mind if you are going to go through with a long term relationship with someone in the industry (again, speaking from the perspective of an outsider). Especially if that person becomes (or is) one of the bigger names on the interwebs and in the media. Thick skin will make a difference. You also might not want to read some of the fanboards. Just for your own sanity.

Those are some of my overarching thoughts. My own personal opinion? Speaking hypothetically? I would be willing to have a long term relationship with someone who worked in porn. But the caveat would be same ones I would have about any relationship: How well do I connect with the person?

Basically:

Is she smart?

Is she funny?

Does she make me happy?

Do I find her attractive?

If I can answer all four in the affirmative, then it would have to be worth a "go" right? Yeah, I know. It's not ideal. But sometimes, if it's love, there isn't time to sit around and wait for the ideal time. Ideal circumstances don't occur every bloody day. So give it a shot.

As far as closed or open, I prefer closed. Or at least a "don't tell me unless I ask about it" situation. Work doesn't count because, hey, we all need to bitch about our shitty co-workers or bosses after a tough day at the office. Or on the set. Or whatever.

Kissing Ass Alone Won't Cut It

I am far from an expert on most things. I am still learning about the adult industry, for one thing. I am learning more about the BBW genre on a daily basis as well, and some of the subgenres present within the field.

I am also far from an expert when it comes to women, although there are times when I feel less foreign in that arena than in others that actually fall within my purview.

With all of that being said...guys, it might be time to review a few rules of engagement centering around interacting with your favorite adult industry worker. It could be a contract girl, a BBW Plumper Pass actress, a SSBBW Cam Girl, an escort...whoever or whatever floats your own particular pontoon.

1. Don't act like a jerkwad. I know, it seems utterly simplistic to have this listed first because it should seem like it is common sense. It's also a broad statement, because jerkwaddery can take on so many different forms. Look, if it's something you would never say to a civilian female (i.e. someone not in the adult industry) in an everyday setting, DON'T FUCKING SAY IT!

2. Don't ask for free shit. Be it pictures, videos, a phone call, etc. Don't beg for product. It's unbecoming, and it makes you look like a tightwad. In other words, a cheap bastard. Now, if you are a cheap bastard, that's a separate issue. But don't send tweets or direct messages asking for a special handout. If they happen to post a naked or half-naked picture on their timeline, then great. Enjoy that and only that.

3. Don't beg for sex or ask to meet. Some web girls (I hate that term, but I hate calling anyone over the age of 18 a "girl." It's my own pet peeve, but roll with it here.) do mention meeting their fans, and some are open to that. But that is on a case-by-case basis. Usually if such a thing were to occur, the woman in question would mention that in a section on her website. Or...they may advertise a special event where a fan encounter can happen. But again, those kinds of conversations are best conducted after research is done and off of social media.

4. While there are many varied fantasies that many of us guys have when it comes to women in the adult entertainment industry, please do keep in mind that they are still women. I don't care if you've seen every up close shot of their naughty bits that they've ever done in their career. I don't care if you own every scene they've put out on DVD and on the web. I don't care if you've grabbed their tits at AVN or BBW Fan Fest or Exxotica. Please remember that they are still women. They're someone's daughter. They may be someone's wife or girlfriend or mother. This relates to point number one ("Don't act like a jerkwad.") but I do think it bears repeating. She's not necessarily a slut who is only sitting around the house in a La Perla nightie (or less) 24-7 thinking only about sex.

5. Speaking of buying scenes on DVD or on the web, don't forget that this is their job. Support them like you support your favorite band or mainstream film stars. Don't visit tube sites and rip videos from there. Actually spend real American (or Canadian or whatever your currency may be) dollars and purchase a scene. I'm not going to preach about tube sites being akin to Napster/Morpheus/Limewire in the 90s and early 2000s, but it kind of is. If you don't buy clips or DVDs, or sign up for site memberships, it will be hard for the industry to continue. Allocate some of your monthly entertainment budget to cover this expense. A fan doesn't steal from the artist; a fan supports the artists financially so that they can continue to produce the art that makes the fan happy. Symbiosis is a wonderful thing, yes?

I am sure that there are more, and I would love to hear from fans and industry workers alike on this one. What would you add to these rules of engagement? What can we, as fans, do to help make interactions more enjoyable in both directions?

Leave a comment here, get in touch with me on Twitter (@Jaysonfdean) or via email at jaysonfdean@gmail.com.

Featured Scene: Lexxi Luxe on BBWs Gone Black

38P bust size? P?

Yep. It must be the gorgeous Lexxi Luxe. The woman with the amazing rack and cute smile is today's featured scene over at BBWs Gone Black.



The set up is that Lexxi wants to go out with her girls, but her man has other plans. And his other plans involve her, the couch and those wonderfully soft pillows on her chest. Oh, and some hair pulling and titty smacking, too.

You can see how his best, ahem, "laid" plans turn out over at BBWs Gone Black, part of the Plumper Pass Network.

Coming Soon: Evil Angel's "BBW GOLD" by Joey Silvera

As a long time fan of porn in general (going on about 18 years at this point), I have seen a lot that has come and gone in the industry. For me, today, there are a few name directors that I am a big fan of.

I still like Rodney Moore (even if I was a bit star struck and babbled a bit when I did get to meet him at BBW Fan Fest in July). I am also a fan of the work that Mike John and Tim Von Swine. Another director I admire is Joey Silvera.

Yeah, some of his stuff is probably a bit outside of mainstream for most folks, but I think his overall body of work speaks for itself, and I tend to think that he treats his actors with respect during filming. I don't see the thread of humiliation that tends to rear its head when dealing with subgenres and the areas that people view as fetishes. 

Imagine my excitement, then, when I heard about Joey's upcoming release called, "BBW Gold."

 Joey Silvera doing a BBW film?

Featuring Lexxi Luxe, Kelly Shibari, Betty Blac, Buxom Bella, Sam 38G and Minnie Mayhem? I'm sold. 

Review coming as soon as I get my grubby little hands on it. It comes out on October 10, 2012.

For now, drool along with me at the trailer.